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The Challenge of Expansion for Kids and Parents – Growth Isn’t Always Happy, But It Can Always Be Juicy Joyful


“I live my life in ever-widening rings.” – Rainer Maria Rilke


To live authentically in Juicy Joy is to allow ourselves to fully inhabit each new ring, even knowing that some of the rings will – by necessity – be painful ones. There are separate sets of rings for the different areas of our lives, too. I’m thrilled with the way my professional rings are widening. I’m so excited for all my Juicy Joy gigs next month, and for upcoming opportunities to speak aboard a spirituality-themed cruise, and to present Juicy Joy at the Conscious Children’s Network Conference in Sedona.

But in another area of my life, the widening rings are not as joyful. They make me want to contract more than expand. I observe my resistance to flowing into these rings, even as I understand that there’s no growth unless I surrender to them. The only way out is through.

I watch my kids navigate their ever-widening rings and it’s so hard sometimes to keep myself from attempting to manipulate and minimize the challenging ones for them. We parents sometimes think we have the power to do that. But any challenging ring we manage to skip our children through now will only show up at some later date for them to experience. Knowing that is the only thing that keeps me (mostly) in place as the watchful, ever-present, loving witness.

Our ever-widening rings will take us in and out of “happiness” many times throughout our lives, but with understanding and deep appreciation for the growth and maturation they provide, every ring can be juicy joyful.


Why Present-Moment Awareness Is Blissful and Engaging for Kids, But Causes Frustration and Disappointment for Parents and Teachers

My 12-year-old son is the most amazing teacher for me on my spiritual path. I call him Present-Moment Man. He somehow manages to structure most of his present moments so that they’re filled with the things he loves, and these pursuits are so engaging that it’s impossible to pull him out.

I believe present-moment awareness comes naturally to kids, and we adults usually do everything we can to beat it out of them. Kids know life should be fun. Kids know you should follow your bliss, engage in things that excite you, and learn whatever you are naturally, in that moment, inspired to learn.

My son will enthusiastically and quickly comprehend an impossibly-worded manual for some advanced electronic device that I’d rather cut my foot off than try to figure out. He’s a skilled and avid videographer who seems to intuitively know how to use any complicated equipment related to this passion. But the basics of 7th grade math elude him; the monumental burden of actually writing down and following through with homework assignments repeatedly proves insurmountable; and I still have to ask him to brush his teeth in the morning.

I admit that I’ve spent many years trying desperately to “rehabilitate” my son – to cure him of his insistent present-moment tendencies so that he would more successfully fulfill teachers’ and society’s expectations of him. But he has proven himself incurable on that front.

He is the happiest, funniest, kindest, and most insightful person I’ve ever known, in spite of frequent academic failures, teacher disappointments, parental frustrations, and the ensuing consequences I impose on him. He simply, peacefully, refuses to expend any genuine effort or energy on anything that does not resonate with him. I still try – valiantly and in vain – to teach him the importance of caring about all of his schoolwork. But secretly, I’m envious . . . and a silent part of me cheers him on.